The Magic is in the Repair
In this video, Figs welcomes a very special guest, Teale Taxis, aka the better half in Figs´ marriage. Teale is also a San Francisco-based Couples Therapist and the mother of their 3 year old daughter. She is due with their 2nd child (a boy) this summer. Together they share their own struggles and moments of disconnection, and how they work through them. As successful relationship experts, Teale and Figs recognize that ALL relationships, including their own, are hard work because love and connection matter to everyone. Everyone is guaranteed to have moments of conflict. Ultimately, the magic in relationship is in the repair: in surrendering to the process of feeling the pain and understanding how we both make sense.
Figs gives tips on how to RAVE, a process coined by colleague and fellow EFT therapist Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen. They discuss arriving at a place where they recognize fighting is painful and it not that you are bad or I´m bad, we both just have sensitive spots. This ultimately opens the possibility to have empathy for each other. Word of warning: this perspective may not be possible in the heated moment, thanks to the part of our brain that’s in charge during conflict (see: Amygdala Hijacking). Teale reminds us to be gentle with ourselves and Figs affirms that the part of you that needs love is not weak or needy. And remember: We Fight Because Our Connection Matters.