What’s a Fight?

What’s a Fight? Moments of conflict don’t mean that there something wrong with you or your relationship. In fact, they show you how much you both need each other in order to feel at ease in the world.     That’s probably a new concept you’re just beginning to think about, so now is a […]

Considering Couples Counseling? 5 Things to Look for in a Therapist

5 Things to Look for in a Couples Therapist The majority of us fall into love with nothing more than the instincts of a newborn infant: I need you! Love me this way! And then we pledge to love and honor each other unconditionally until one of us dies. What could possibly go wrong? I […]

I Don’t Treat “Patients”

I Don’t Treat “Patients” It true that I´ve been practicing psychotherapy for years, but I have never, ever seen a patient. It just not how I view the people who come to me for help. They aren´t sick with a disease that I can cure; I´m not the holder of all wisdom who can diagnose, […]

Stop Asking for Your Needs to Be Met

Stop Asking for Your Needs to Be Met One bit of advice that has emerged from the last 50 years of the personal development movement is to ask for our needs to be met. As a therapist, it drives me crazy. Of course, it not the asking that’s bad. It’s the how of it that […]

Sometimes You’re an Asshole

When our partner behaves like an ass, we think they should own their wrongdoing and deliver an apology forthwith — preferably carved in stone and mounted on a plaque for all to see. That seems fair. I mean, we just want responsibility taken, apologies given, and our needs met, am I right? What’s their problem?! […]

Love Matters!

Love Matters! I made this video to give prospective clients, and anyone curious about attachment focused couples therapy, a chance to get a taste of how I, and others like me, help people feel more connected in their relationship. I only have so many hours in the week that I can actually sit with couples […]

Is Monogamy the ONLY Way to be Truly Happy?

Monogamy isn’t the only way to live, but for many of us it’s the best path to the comfort, sense of belonging, andgood health and longevity we deeply desire. A polyamorous relationship can provide those things, but it also dramatically ups the ante for those scary feelings we all experience when wounded in love. By […]

Stop Having The Same Fight Over and Over Again

Stop Having the Same Fight Over and Over Again In the spirit of not waiting to be perfect to get in front of a camera I did my first online video interview last week on the Blab platform about how I work with people in couples counseling. The interviewer is my friend and life coach […]

We fight because our connection matters

Yes, it’s not about the nail. It’s about the system we create together when I feel abandoned or rejected and protest or withdraw when I perceive you (rightly or wrongly) as not being there for me in the ways that makes me feel securely connected/emotionally bonded to you. This in turn brings you to your […]


Figs is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, #79062, a Relationship Coach and the Founder of


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